Is Asperger's Hereditary? Another Son with Asperger's?

This blog has always had the little bit at the top that says, "Our experiences with 2 Aspies, maybe 3....", as our son MJ has Asperger's, my husband, and then we have always suspected our youngest daughter Rose to have it also.  Well, today, we might be adding another number to that tally.  We think our second son, Thomas, probably has Asperger's as well.

I suppose this is not just an all of the sudden realization that Thomas could have Asperger's.  All the signs have been there, yet we have chose to ignore them.  In some ways, his symptoms have been so extreme that they are almost shouting at us----"Hello!!!!  This is Asperger's!!!"  But why haven't we paid attention?

Back when our oldest son, MJ, was being diagnosed, the team of doctors mentioned to us that we should keep our eye on his younger brother, as he seemed to show some similarities, but I thought they were talking more about how he was really smart and reading at a young age like his older brother did.  

Thomas is our second son who is now 9 years old.  He's had his little eccentricities, but not in the same way as his older brother.  While he is very literal like his brother, I thought it was just from copying what his brother said.  He seems to have a lot of opposition when it comes to changing events or when something doesn't go the  way he planned, but I have always taken his whining and complaining as just that---stubbornness.  

Then there is the huge sensory issue.  Thomas cannot handle extreme sounds like high pitched noises, children screaming, a lot of commotion in a room, or he has always held his ears in pain whenever I vacuum.  As far as textures go, he freaks out by the feel of half of his clothes always complaining that they are not soft enough or scratchy.  No matter how hard I try to find the softest textures of PJ's, at night I always find him practically naked under the one and only fleece blanket that he will accept as he won't let any other blanket touch him.  He sleeps on top of his bedspread. 

As far as social things go, I've never really noticed that Thomas has problems talking to other kids or if he misunderstands social cues.  But then again, he is 9 years old and has never had a play date.  While he believes that "everyone" is his friend, I have never had another kid come over and ask to play or a parent ask to set up a play date.   He isn't invited to birthday parties.  Hmmm....

He has an extreme problem of not being able to look people in the eye.  I think it drives his piano teacher insane that he will never look at her when she is talking to him.  Actually he is usually looking anywhere but at the person talking to him.  He'll play the piano while intensely focusing on an object across the room.  How he does that and still plays so well is amazing to me at times, but it also seems not so good when at piano lessons as it seems he is not paying attention.  Well, that and how he seems to have this a little too long delay in his responses or you have to direct him to answer the teacher when she asks him a question or says "hi, how are you?" 

OK, so hello again!!!!  Look at all these things.....aren't they all just screaming "Asperger's!!!!"??? 

Well, no, we still just shrug it off.  

Actually, we were more concerned with a different problem affecting Thomas.  A few years ago we started to notice all these noises and facial tics with Thomas.  It began with sniffing, then gulping, swallowing, making clicky throat noises, then scrunching up his face and nose, making fish faces and blinking his eyes.  This seemed more out of whack for us ( I suppose we were used to all the other Asperger like traits) so we began taking him to doctors to figure things out.  There, it came to be that Thomas had Tourette Syndrome.  Tourette's is a condition where people tic and they can't control it.  Well, they may be able to suppress it, but it usually ends up exploding out after a while.  Now, many think it is the "swearing" disorder, but that is actually a form of Tourette's that is not always involved.  

So there----Thomas just has Tourette's.  Or so we thought.....

As we took him to different doctors, the thoughts of ADHD or hyperactivity disorders came around.  Well, yes, Thomas was the most hyper of all my children, and I swear I could not get him to focus on anything for longer than a minute!  It drove me absolutely insane!!!  He was always distracted by anything and everything!  While they evaluated him for that, they didn't seem to think he could be able to play the piano as well as he could if he had ADD or ADHD.  That, and our evaluations didn't match up with one overprotective teacher who scored him at all zero's.  We did learn that with Tourette's there is a lot of hyperactivity, so we just left it at that.

OK, back to the point of this post---the possibility of Asperger's.  Is it hereditary?  I believe it is, along with many other doctors.  But how much is hereditary and how much is just learned behavior?  I mean, younger brother has older brother and dad to look up to and they both have Asperger's.  How do I know what is him and what is just copied?  

Well, if all these characteristics weren't enough, a big one we have never connected is Thomas's massive obsessions.  I just thought he was an interesting kid who only wanted to play the piano for hours as a 4 year old.  Or, sure, my kid has obsessed about maps and atlases since he was 3 years old and spends hours just looking at maps, following roads, or making up games with atlases.  Sure, he likes to take the phone book into the car with us so he can go through every street and every map.  So.  Or, little teeny notebooks and papers.  He has to have every single thing or book that is mini.  It doesn't matter if it is some mini sized book about dirt.  It's mini, it's called "pocket" whatever, and he has to have it.  

I recently looked up an article that listed the characteristics of Asperger's in kids at http://autism.lovetoknow.com/Aspergers_Checklist, and although he doesn't seem to show the social clueless signs of Asperger's (well, maybe, I suppose he does think everyone is his best friend, but then nobody plays with him), all the other signs are there staring at me in the face.  That, and I was interested to see one of the symptoms they listed was "may have facial tics".  Hmmm...  

So now what?  Where do we go from here?  Do I need to have him evaluated?  Will doctors think I am crazy?  Do we just leave it be?  Well, this can be dilemma for another post.  But until then, I think I just might change my little description up there to "maybe 3.....maybe 4....."

Facing a New Challenge: Skipping Grades with Aspergers

Well, we heard back from the Principal and the decision was granted---MJ was to be allowed to skip the 5th grade all together and enter 6th grade this coming fall.

Although it made sense academically to skip MJ, it was a bit of a social no-no. Really it isn't that great to skip regular kids into a higher grade at times, let alone skip a child with Asperger's Syndrome, someone who was already a social misfit?! How could we?

It took a long time for us to come up with this possibility. MJ was very very smart. The schools and doctors had tested him and shown us even more than we thought at how smart he was. Yet, here was this kid with poor social and processing skills, and who was awkward, clumsy, had poor handwriting, and slow speech, and he didn't always show his smartness right off. It really wasn't fair to the poor kid that he had all this intelligence inside him but could never get it all out in time to prove it.

Over the years as we figured out his Aspergers, we found ways to work with the school to accommodate him so that he was able to show his talents. With his 504 Plan, teachers gave him less written assignments, more oral, allowed him extra time to write, gave him social cues, and little things here and there to help him adjust. It was working quite well mostly, but he was still way above the other kids academically.

We had hoped he would figure things out socially, yet he was not. And with Aspergers, would he ever really fit in the social circle? We hated to see him so miserable and bored both socially and academically. So, we had to choose at least one to be happy in. With Aspergers, who knows if we can help with the friendships and social acceptance, but at least we could help him enjoy school more and feel challenged. They had tried in 4th grade to allow him to go back and forth between grades, but it had been a big mess. Schedules never quite worked out and MJ was always left an emotional mess. We knew he needed to be challenged, but he also needed stability in a set schedule and one main teacher. We agreed to the skip.

But now the worry.....how really would this work? The workload was surely to be more advanced, and would a new 6th grade teacher be willing to accommodate a child that not only had skipped a grade, but had the issues of Asperger's on top of it? And plus there was to be a new principal this year. What if she didn't agree with all these accommodations for MJ?

All summer we worried and waited until it was close enough to school starting that we could set up a meeting with MJ's 6th grade teacher.

Super Smart with Asperger's

OK, so much of this is a recap, but if you haven't been following this blog, it needed a little reviewing:

For years we have known that MJ was gifted. It is what we first noticed before anything else. Poor kid suffered bored through Kindergarten then tested into a gifted split program where we put him into another school. We worked through 1st, 2nd, and 3rd grade trying to figure out a place for him.

He was always so super smart, but then all these little things were holding him back. With his Asperger's he has trouble processing things quickly, his handwriting is terrible, and his gross motor skills leave him clumsy and awkward. His organization skills are awful, his short term memory for remembering things to bring home or assignments was not good. His speech was delayed and he mostly stuttered or got stuck on phrases when trying to explain things.

When he was in first grade and the teachers came to us telling us they thought something was wrong, we took him straight up to the children's hospital to have him checked out. MRI's, neurologists, pediatric specialists....in the end it came down to Asperger's. I had never even heard of Asperger's before then.

We were sent to specialists for Asperger's and psychologists to evaluate MJ. Also, the school was testing MJ on his intelligence and motor skills at the same time.

Through all this, back in first grade, along with the diagnosis of Asperger's, these teachers and doctors were telling us another thing---MJ was brilliant. They told me his IQ was "in the genius range", and that he was testing off the charts, but then the problem all came down to processing. There was this huge gap between his intelligence and what he could process. It seemed very unfair. He was super smart, but he couldn't let others see it because it was too difficult to write, or he was too slow or awkward to communicate.

Back then I called the school district and talked to the school asking what we could do to help him. Couldn't we accommodate him in some way so that he could be able to communicate this knowledge and intelligence to others?

I was outraged when the school district told me that it didn't matter what medical diagnosis he had, that as long as he wasn't failing academically, that there was no need to accommodate him in any way.

So, fine. Let MJ be super smart, but let him never be able to show it because the school system doesn't care unless your child is failing.

This seemed like a huge injustice to me. But, life went on and I guess we were lucky that he was still making it in this gifted program. His teacher for the first 2 years knew how to work with MJ and actually by the end of 2nd grade, he was improving some on his handwriting and not stuttering as much. Good for him.

3rd grade proved more difficult. He was demanded much more written work and timed tests which were just too much for a child with a processing delay and physical difficulty in handwriting. I remember trying to work with his teacher and talking to the gifted coordinator trying to find a place for him. It was hard to make a place in a gifted program for a kid with Asperger's. I was getting extremely frustrated, but I had been researching, and talking to MJ's doctors, and they were concerned why MJ wasn't getting any accommodations.

We finally found out the school had a social worker who we had work alongside us in finally setting up a 504 Accommodation Plan for MJ at the end of 3rd grade. Maybe now he wouldn't get so left behind.

We switched schools for the start of 4th grade for social reasons really, but then things continued to not work out. This time it was more academic problems. It was like we couldn't win. He was either bored academically, or miserable socially. Or sometimes both.

Back at the beginning of 4th grade, we met with the teachers, school psychologist, and principal of the new school to discuss MJ and what we could do as far as his Asperger's and how the school material wasn't challenging enough for MJ. (We were back at the regular neighborhood school and right away MJ was far advanced in all the subjects and was questioning why he wasn't learning anything new.) We didn't know what to do and asked about grade promotion.

The school started a series of testing that lasted 3 weeks. MJ didn't mind. He actually likes taking tests. But anyway, at the end of all this, the psychologist told us that MJ was like a kid in 300,000. She said much of what we had heard before, in that his intelligence was that in the "very superior" range, and that he was testing far above his peers, but that his processing was that average to kids his age. (Well, this was good at least---his processing had finally caught up to his peers. But it wasn't right compared to how far ahead he was intellectually.)

But this time it was different. THIS school actually cared about MJ's potential, and they wanted to be able to match his education with his intelligence and not let anything hold him back. So, for the first time, they were going to work with him. They were going to allow him to do extra things, and take certain subjects in the grade level higher to match what he knew.

It was a little weird though. Because they were telling us basically that MJ was brilliant, but they didn't want to skip him any grades, because if they did then they would have to skip him again in 3 months, and again and again....

Now, I'm thinking, what? First off, I would not skip my child again and again and again. And how can they know this or say this? They said he had the ability to "master anything presented him in a short period of time" and so he would just keep going on and on. They decided rather to accommodate him by the split grade thing and giving him time to do more research into things he was interested in , and giving him his own laptop to make up power point projects to present his class.

Well, all was well for a while, but....we were getting into some problems. You take a kid with Asperger's who is very into routine and schedule, and who can't handle transitions, and then you try to have them go back and forth between grades and see what happens when the times don't always match up for math, or he misses part of his regular grades class, or recess time. MJ was coming home with major meltdowns on a weekly basis.

And, although he had this laptop to use, really he was never remembering he could do that, and he was just given busy work a lot of the time to fill in the time he was normally bored.

Socially at first he was doing well at the new school. We thought he had a few friends, but by the end of 4th grade, he was back to being friendless and bored with school. He told us that besides math (in which he took in 5th grade), he didn't learn anything he didn't already know except for stuff about soil.

And now, we also found out the principal was being transferred to another school, and we were worried. What would happen to MJ?

Would the new principal agree with the way things had been done this last year? Would she allow a 504 plan for MJ? Would she decide he should not do split grades and have him repeat 5th grade math all together?

We didn't know what to do. We hated how the school day caused emotional drama for MJ. It wasn't always smooth, and he was freaking out because of the non-routine. They had told us when he got into 6th grade that they wanted him to walk down the street to the junior high school for more advanced subjects. We didn't want that. That didn't seem safe. How would that work out? We didn't want MJ to have to repeat the same subjects next year either. So what could we do?

This is why when we decided to meet with the Principal and school psychologist, we wanted to discuss the 504 Plan to make sure it would be in place for next year, but also we had a separate agenda. We wanted to suggest MJ be skipped into the 6th grade for next year.

Yes, I know what you are thinking. You're thinking, "Are you crazy?! Skip a child with Asperger's a grade where he is going to have one big emotional meltdown and all kinds of trouble?" And yes, maybe we are crazy, but we were finding out more and more that there wasn't a place socially for MJ. We had been going back and forth for so long. We started out trying to help him fit in socially, but then that didn't work, so we moved him schools to focus on academics, but then he failed miserably socially, so we moved him back, and now he was hating life academically. It was like we couldn't win no matter what. And by the end of this year, we were beginning to see that maybe MJ was never going to fit in socially no matter where he was placed. So, should we hold him back for fear of social downfall, when really he wouldn't fit in no matter what grade? Plus, do we torment him by making him repeat subjects he already has mastered, or do we torment him by having his school day all crazy and never exactly set because the separate grades do things at different times?

Really, what could we do? The only resource I've had is that of my husband, a grown up adult with Asperger's, also very gifted, who has lived through school life and is able to give his opinions.

For my husband, school was miserable, and he never really fit in socially. He hated elementary school and was always bored. He says not until junior high did he begin to enjoy school because he was more challenged and the subjects were split into levels more where he could be challenged. He said he always wished he could have been more challenged and skipped grades just to get out and done with school. The uneven school day is a nightmare for Aspies. MJ needed to be challenged and allowed to not have to repeat math and other subjects, but at the same time, it was too hard to have him not have one set teacher and a set schedule.

So, here we were meeting with the school psychologist and Principal who were actually both very surprised this was on our agenda. The psychologist thought it would not be good to skip MJ. She said she could see all kinds of "red flags" socially and emotionally, but at the same time, she said he was not the normal kid. With Asperger's it put a whole mix in the puzzle because who was to say he would ever really get things socially? We were kind of frustrated because she was the one who basically had told us before that MJ should be in college almost, but now she was like how could we even think about promoting him?

My husband did all the talking and described what he felt and shared his experiences. Now, he and MJ are like peas in a pod. They think the same, they act the same, they understand one another. Hopefully, somehow he knew what would be best. MJ was all up for the idea of skipping the 5th grade. He already had mastered math, and reading he is a whiz. Grammar he already knows. Science he is smart in. The only thing really would be history, that maybe we could work on over the summer.

But still, really? Was this a right thing to do? I kept asking my husband if this was OK. He kept saying again and again that it was the only way. MJ needed stability, but he also needed to be challenged.

So, after some consideration, the Principal was to be the deciding judge in the matter. It was the last week of school, and we waited in agony for what the decision would be. I don't know what I feared more, the answer to be yes, or the answer to be no.

Oh, by the way, if any of you are interested, I maintain another blog where I've kept a record of life parenting a gifted child at www.parentingthegiftedchild.blogspot.com. This blog I try to keep focused on our life with Asperger's, but the other blog I focus on our life decisions, trials and errors in raising a couple of smart kids. They seem to intermix a lot though. It seems as if they go hand in hand.

Special Ed?

So, it was the end of the year for 4th grade and all of the sudden we found out the principal who had been so wonderful and accommodating with MJ was going to be transferred to another school. This had us extremely nervous.

How would we know what the new principal would be like next year? How did we know she would allow MJ's 504 Plan to continue or accept it?

We were very worried, so we decided to set up a meeting with the current Principal and the school psychologist BEFORE school ended to update the 504 Plan, plus maybe talk about how it had not worked very well over the past year because the teachers were not following it consistently.

It took us much calling and emailing to set up the appointment, but when we did we were actually surprised what was suggested.

Now, as you have read in previous posts, MJ had several things listed in his plan which were supposed to help him throughout the day. The problems we were having was mostly that the teachers were forgetting to follow through with these helps.

One of our biggest problems still was how MJ would get home and not have the work he needed to do. Or he would be getting in trouble for not remembering things or finishing assignments. According to the 504 Plan, the teacher was supposed to be helping to cue MJ and to be checking off his day planner at the end of the day to make sure he had all the assignments going home placed in his backpack. This was not happening.

Now, good grief I know the teachers have a lot to deal with already, and I'm not blaming anyone. And really, what good was it doing having the teacher always having to cue MJ or remind him or whatever. Yes, it would help, but was it going to help him in the long run? No. We really needed something so that he could learn on his own and something that could help him in the future so he didn't have to depend on other people.

I've been trying to get MJ to be more independent. I've been teaching him how to cook, do laundry, dishes, and jobs on his own. Why not keep going? So anyway, we thought maybe we could discuss allowing him to use his own personal PDA that would cue him when he needed to be somewhere, do something, or most of all---what work he needed to bring home and get done.

There were some other things we wanted to discuss too. He was meeting once a week with the psychologist to talk and play games with 2 other boys. I'm not sure what the purpose of this was. I think the other boys had some sort of anger management thing and maybe he was assigned this time because of the whole biting incident.

I was disappointed though. I figured maybe this could be a chance for him to learn more social skills as far as being taught or going through social stories to learn more how to appropriately respond and act amongst "normal" people.

At the meeting we touched on the idea of a PDA, and then when I began talking about my hopes toward social teaching, the psychologist suggested a different possibility. She suggested Special Ed.

OK, so I don't have anything against special education classes. If fact I think they are most wonderful for the right students, but I did not think it was the right place for MJ.

MJ had his issues, but he didn't really need a special ed class to get him through school. He was extremely gifted. At the beginning of the year they had done a series of tests and told us that he was extremely intelligent and in the "superior range". Now, not to say that anyone in special ed can't have a high IQ, but I just didn't see what purpose it would be to place him in a special ed class.

Just because he needed some social teaching and guidance, he isn't allowed that unless he is put in Special Ed?

I guess I didn't understand. Really we were meeting for yet another reason, which we will explain in our next post.

Changing Schools for the Better?

The beginning of MJ's 4th grade year and his brother's 2nd grade year, we made a drastic decision to switch schools. We had struggled for the past 3 years at another school trying to figure out things with MJ, and finally we had gotten them to set up a 504 Accommodation Plan for Asperger's. This was the last month before school ended for summer break and so we were looking ahead feeling pretty confident things were finally going to be OK.
But then we made a last minute decision and things all changed.

MJ and Thomas were both in a full time gifted program located at another school within the city but further away than their home school. While it had been great for Thomas so far, MJ had struggled for the last 3 years trying to find his place as a gifted student with Asperger's. It had not gone easy. It took us a year to find the diagnosis, but then another 2 years to get the school to accept it and willing to make any accommodations.

MJ was so smart, yet he had certain setbacks such as processing delay, sensory issues, problems with speech and stuttering, misunderstanding of nonliteral communication, bad organization, forgetfulness, and invasion of others personal space. Not to mention his awkwardness, strange gait, and the need to be constantly cued. But yet, because he was so incredibly smart, these things often could be hidden, until 3rd grade where problems were arising.

Long ago I had gone to the school and asked them how they could accommodate MJ. According to the doctors and testing, they told us MJ was in the genius range as far as knowledge, IQ, and academics, yet because of his Asperger's his processing was way below average and so it was as if MJ was this super smart kid who couldn't get his ideas out or communicate them fast enough to show others. That didn't seem fair to me, so I asked the school district what could be done to balance this out so he could show his full potential. They told me, "it doesn't matter what diagnosis he has, as long as he is not failing academically, then we will not make any kind of accommodations." I remember being very very frustrated. What an injustice to a gifted child.

Anyway, we fought long and hard trying to figure out how a child with Asperger's fits into a gifted program. Finally at the end of 3rd grade we were getting some results and a 504 Plan was set up. It may have made 4th grade to be a great year for him academically, but another problem was on our mind---his need for socialization.

MJ had struggled with this for years. Although he did have some friends, most of them were in the grade level above his, and many of them were not close friends. He would go tag along with some of the other kids at recess or try to involve himself with the other kids, but none of them were really close friends, and I think they just humored him or let him play along to be nice at times. The problem with the gifted program is that he was stuck with the same 12 kids for all 6 years of Elementary School. This is great if you've got good friends, but if you can't find your place, then it leaves you stuck and alone. MJ often came home very sad and depressed being that he had no friends to play with at school.

Maybe it was part of having Asperger's that he had trouble making friends or knowing how to act socially, but maybe he could do better if there were more possibilities of friends in greater numbers. So although we knew MJ needed the challenge of a gifted program, we made our decision to change him back to our home school hoping for a new chance to make friends. We had our fingers crossed and hoped for the best. The home school had the largest 4th grade class of 4 classrooms with over 100 4th graders. Going from 12 4th graders to 100 is a big difference. Could he find friends here?

We met with the Principal the Friday before school started and introduced our boys. I alerted him of MJ's Asperger's and his established 504 Accommodation Plan. We discussed what accommodations needed to be met, yet also his giftedness and my concerns for how he needed to be challenged. The Principal seemed great and addressed my concerns. He said he would take all things into consideration to find the best match for a teacher for MJ.

And so we sent our boys off on the 1st day of school and hoped for the best. Would he make a friend? Would the teacher be OK? Would this school make a difference?

His Obsession? Knowledge!

From all the things I've read and heard, Aspie's are supposed to have some sort of obsession with something. There is usually some subject, toy, game, or sport that people with Asperger's are obsessed with. This is the thing that they will talk endlessly about not seeming to notice when the other person is bored or has lost interest.

With my boys it is interesting. While Thomas seems to have had an obsession with piano, maps and atlases, my husband--computers, but I never really figured out what obsession MJ had. It seemed like his obsessions would change week to week.

Like one week all he wants to talk endlessly about is science experiments, but then the next couple of weeks it's medieval times, weapons, castles, knights, and more. Then another week it is rocks and minerals. Later on it is storms and weather. Or this last week it has been every single detail about fencing. Seriously, he will spend a week telling me every single detail about the "topic of the week" as I call it, and he will follow me around going on and on and on. What are the rules? What are the positions? What are the points? What do they wear? He will let me know everything and by the time he is done I feel like some sort of expert in the subject matter that week.

I've found it very interesting that he has never really had one great obsession like all these books or doctors describe. Why is that?

Well, the answer finally came this past week. We were in a meeting with the school principal and the school's psychologist, and I was mentioning this to her. It seems as MJ has been very bored all this year and keeps asking me when he is going to learn anything new. I've been concerned because he has been coming to me telling me he didn't understand why everything was so simple. He felt like he should be learning harder things. I was describing how MJ is constantly seeking out more information and trying to get his hands on every ounce of new material he can. He's focused on the history channel, the discovery channel, or he's reading everything he can about his "subject of the week". She turned and looked at us and said, "No, I think his obsession is knowledge. It seems like he obsessed with learning as much as he can as fast as he can."

How interesting is that? Seriously, I was shocked that I didn't realize this before because it was so obvious. Obvious, but strange to me that someone could have such a broad obsession. Where that leads us, I don't know quite yet, but MJ is destined for something truly great.

Do We Have Another Aspie?

This is my second son, Thomas. Such a cutie with such a personality, but as the years have gone by we wonder again, does he have Asperger's too? Does he show some of the same signs and traits?

Back when we were testing MJ, the doctors and psychologists hinted that we would probably have more than one kid genetically linked to their dad with the Asperger's traits. They spent some time with him and made a few comments, but he was only 4 then and I don't think they were ready to make any real professional opinions yet.

Much different from MJ's personality, but Thomas has such strong emotions and sensitivities. He absolutely can't stand any loud noises. He shrieks if I turn on the vacuum cleaner. He can't stand most of his clothes, socks, or shoes. He says they don't feel good. He says he doesn't like the way most things taste, feel, sound, or look. He can't handle bright lights or sun.

Sometimes I think he's going to drive me insane with his oversensitivities! I remember MJ being really sensitive by his clothes and textures of food and such when he was very young, but I grew used to it. With Thomas, I think I am just annoyed that he won't wear what I give him and he can't seem to find anything else that "feels good".

He's very smart like his brother, although he doesn't get into such intense thinking as MJ does. He did learn to read at 4 and skipped Kindergarten and is in the same gifted program as his brother. While MJ was obsessed with reading, Thomas developed an obsession of the piano. He taught himself to play and would play the piano for hours and hours on end. He wanted to look up and find new sheet music on the internet. He wanted to play through book after book.

There's that whole processing delay thing that I think goes along with Asperger's. As my husband says, it's just a matter of having to take the time to organize your thoughts before you can speak them because you want to make sure you say it the way you want it perfectly. Thomas seems to take a little to long to answer questions and respond, just the same way MJ and my husband do.

Transitions are crazy! He is always bawling that he didn't have enough time to do this or that or play or finish whatever.

Who is to know? I'm not out there looking to pinpoint traits or trying to prove he is an Aspie too, but it's good to keep an open mind if he does. He has always been so literal along with his brother about everything having to be called the exact thing that it is.

I worry sometimes that since he is going through the same teachers in the same program that these teachers might refrain from making any comments being that they don't want to have to deal with another Aspie kid or another set of instructions or accommodations.

We want the best for all our kids. I guess all we can do is just watch and observe and try to get the best for each of our kids no matter what their quirks, strengths, or weaknesses.

Gifted with Asperger's

Often people have asked us why we don't have MJ in a special school or a separate class. (Of course then there are still a lot of people that don't see anything different with him.) I've gotten some comments even on this blog about how he should be put in a special class where he can have more individualized help.

So----why isn't he?

First off, if you've read our past posts and beginnings, you can know that MJ was originally placed in a full time gifted program. This was something he was placed in because he scored 99% on the tests and ranked within the top 14 kids in the school district.

As we were directed to doctors and counselors to seek out what was wrong, they did a massive amount of testing. At first what came back was how incredibly smart MJ was. The school's special ed teacher explained how he could not even show us the results of some of the tests because MJ scored so high above them that there wasn't even a place on the graph to list him. When we had him tested at the children's hospital for special heath care needs, they told us his IQ was in the "genius" range.

We always knew MJ was pretty smart, but from what these people were telling us, he was super smart. So we know already that he did not fit into a regular classroom. We allowed him to be in this gifted program to fit to his academic needs.

Now, when the school came to us and explained that something was wrong and we needed to get help or figure it out, we were in the gifted program already. He wasn't having problems academically, but the problems were because of shakiness, awkwardness, communication, handwriting, etc.

We are still in the program and MJ has little if any problems with academics. He scores above 99% of the nation through different tests. He reads 200 words per minute. He is very very smart, and so when people comment that he should be removed from the gifted program because he is not up to par, well, it upsets me a little.

I know Asperger's is a little different. It is still a disability. (Now I don't mean this in any way negative because I feel it isn't so much a disability but a different perception on life and thinking and Aspie's are in sort of a culture of themselves.) They allow kids in wheelchairs or deaf or blind to be in a gifted classroom with some sort of accommodations, so I say, what is the big deal to allow a child with Asperger's some sort of accommodations?

He deserves to be in the gifted program just as much as any of his other classmates. So, he has some issues with organization, with speech, with awkwardness, with interpreting non literal things, and then he has a bit of a processing delay, but why should any of these things force him to be put in a special ed classroom?

MJ doesn't seem to fit anywhere. He doesn't qualify for special ed because he is so far advanced that they won't put him there. I don't think it would be a right place for him anyway. We don't want to put him in a regular class because he would be bored. But then in a gifted class he is still having problems not because he isn't smart enough, but because of the speed in which they demand.

The timed tests, the pressure for neat handwriting and fast writing, and the importance of organization are killing MJ. It is not that he can't do any of these things. He just has a bit of a delay in processing, and then he has some fine motor coordination problems that make his handwriting to be extremely unreadable and slow. He can be organized, but he can't remember things very well without being constantly cued.

So---what do we do about it? It is the constant struggle even to know what to do that is frustrating. We turned to the school district right after his diagnosis to see what to do. They told us they didn't care what kind of diagnosis we had, but they would not accommodate any child unless they were failing academically.

So here we were. We had a super smart kid who could do OK in the classroom because even though he was slow, or weird, or had communication issues, or couldn't write very well, he would still be able to score high on tests. But what about letting him live up to his true potential? The specialists told us he scored so super high on all the cognitive and thinking and academic testing, but that his processing level was way below even average. So then what do we do?

The older he gets, the more pressure is put upon him to be faster, quicker, neater, remember things for yourself, understand, etc....

This is why we have been trying to figure things out pertaining to his Asperger's. We do not know what is right or wrong or quite where he fits in. We do not judge any of the teachers or think they are wrong. We just look for an answer and hope there can be a way made for MJ to get the best education he can without so much anguish. So please don't judge us for bad choices or comments we make with this blog. Maybe years from now we'll look back and say it was bad, or it was good, but this is just a journal and a learning experience to us all. Maybe somewhere we could have helped someone else who was struggling with the same issues.

We also maintain a blog relating to being a parent of a gifted child that you can read at www.parentingthegiftedchild.blogspot.com if you are interested in any of those adventures.

Gifted?

So, by now, I figured MJ had all these little quirky things about him--the toe walking, the pickiness, the timidness, the stuttering, but it wasn't that big of a deal. Actually, what we were noticing now was how smart he was. I remember he was barely 4 years old and he was reading.

When he entered Kindergarten at age 5, he was bored to tears. He was reading chapter books but couldn't stand school where all they did was color, sing and learn about the ABC's. The teacher had him reading these "BOB books" which were like "see kit run, Max can jump, Pat is glad" and he was hating it so badly. He was so bored with these books. He was reading Harry Potter at home. Instead of just reading the BOB books, I would quiz him on pointing out the verbs, adjectives, nouns, and punctuation, just to get him something else to learn.

He was also bored in math, which in Kindergarten was counting to 100, while he was adding and subtracting double digit numbers and multiplying a little. Just things he liked to do. I remember him telling me one day what a solid, liquid, and gas were. And it wasn't basic. I can't remember exactly what he said to do him justice, but it was about the molecules and how they were condensed or something. Myself, I would just say hard, like a drink, and ??

I didn't know what to do. He would get up in the morning and say he didn't want to go to school because he hated it so much. It was so hard to see him so sad. I tried to talk to the teacher to see if he could do anything more advanced and she said her hands were tied because she had such a large range of abilities in her class and she couldn't go ahead if she still had kids that would say the #3, but hold up 2 fingers.

But, come February, we got a letter in the mail inviting MJ to be tested for a separate full time gifted program to start in 1st grade. We went ahead and let him test, and when the scores came back at 99%, he was invited into the program, and we accepted.

So, yeah, maybe we had this quirky kid, but he was pretty smart, and starting at 6 years old he was put into a new school in a class with 1st and 2nd graders. So maybe he didn't have problems, maybe he was just gifted? Little did we know that in just a few months we'd receive a letter home from the school asking for an evaluation for special ed services.

We have another view of all this and share our experience with the challenges of raising a gifted child at www.parentingthegiftedchild.blogspot.com