Extreme Separation Anxiety with Asperger's?

This is Rose, our cute little "baby precious" as we like to call her.

As we've commented on here before, it seems as if she has many characteristics similar to those of her oldest brother with Asperger's.

She's always been more solemn and reserved as compared to other kids her age.

We've described her eccentric behaviors in lining things up and creating patterns with toys, books, and magnets. We've noticed she doesn't talk much to anyone but us.

Funny as it is, she used to have what we called "the look of death" in which she would give anyone who talked or looked at her. This was from a very young age. So funny as it was, but a little embarrassing when you have a small child who gives strangers this look when they only give her a smile. It made professional portraits impossible as she would give this look to them and never smile. Don't believe me? Well, here's a proof shot from a portrait sitting we were trying to do:

I laugh when I see this picture, but it's true, it was the "look of death".

Anyway, we have continued to just sit back and watch as she has grown older wondering if this is actually our 3rd family member with Asperger's Syndrome.

As she turned 3, she continued to keep to herself and not give much interaction to others. We would sit in the waiting room during her older siblings' dance classes and watch other children her age play and laugh while she would stay right by my side and not say a word. Other parents would ask how old she was and be surprised when she was often older than their children who were so bubbly and social while she would sit quiet and staring for the hour.

It's no big deal. She's just shy? Maybe she'll grow to be more social?

As you can see from the top picture, she can smile and she does interact with us at home, but it's like it's a whole different world to anyone outside of our own family.

I've noticed for the last while that while she does show emotion, it is often mirrored or copied by someone else. She will look at me and copy the expressions on my face. I could be talking about how she is going to have to eat vegetables and go to bed, but if I have an excited happy look on my face, then she will react by using my same expressions. She will mimic her brothers and sister in their emotions as well.

Is this normal? I suppose so.

I know she has all sorts of issues with textures as her brother did. She can't stand wearing all sorts of clothes. She used to freak out if her hands were dirty.

Anyway, no big deal, but recently we are having a huge issue, and it isn't something that was a problem before.

Separation Anxiety.

Now I know that is pretty common for young kids to go through, but usually that is when they are 1-3 years old. Rose is going on 4 and it just started about 2 months ago. She used to go to church class or extended family member's houses or neighbors/friends just fine. But then all of the sudden she won't go to anyone. She won't go to her class. She won't go to neighbors houses. She won't let anyone hold her except for my husband or I.

What is the deal? We can't exactly pinpoint any huge traumatic event, but she is just freaked out. It's not just a little thing. We sit with her in class and then try to leave and it isn't just a little tantrum she throws, but full blown screaming bloody murder like she's going to die or we're never coming back ever.

I don't know what to do. We've tried everything. We've tried explaining what's going to happen and that we're coming back. We've tried everything from punishment to rewards and even bribery to get her to go and stay where and when she's supposed to (church class, babysitter, etc.), but she is just not getting any better. I used to think she was just testing us to see what she could get away with, but after 2 months I can see it is not an act or orneriness, but she is genuinely scared if not terrified that we are not returning.

What can we do? It is really becoming a problem. It has become so bad that she will constantly "check in" all day long at home to make sure we are right there. If she hears a door open or close she will cry out panicked, "Mommy?!!!" If I go around a corner she will do the same. If we go anywhere in public she will cling to our leg at all time as not to lose us. It is just so extreme.

We continue to reassure her that we would never leave her and we will always come back, but it's to no use. Preschool is coming up and we were going to see if she wanted to try a dance class, but I doubt it's going to be happening unless it's the "Dance with Mommy's Leg" dance class.

I wonder if she does have a bit of Asperger's like we suspect, is it something that makes this Separation Anxiety more extreme or what? What should we do? As her social and emotional development continues to be delayed, we wonder if we need to have her evaluated for Preschool.

Another Aspie? Patterns and Early Signs of Aspergers

This is our youngest daughter, Rose.
She will be 3 years old in a couple of weeks.
She has always been a little more solemn and reserved than the other kids.

When it is your first child, you might not think anything of it, but when you have already had other kids and you have seen the difference in a child with Aspergers and a child without, things will become more apparent.

Now, we don't know for sure that this little cutie has inherited the Asperger gene, but there seem to be so many signs. She seems so similar to her oldest brother with Aspergers and even more strongly in some characteristics.

From very early, even 4 months old we began to see some signs. I remember going into her room and seeing her in her crib with all her dolls and stuffed animals lined up exactly every 3 slats inside her crib. It was weird. It was so meticulous to detail.

As she began crawling we would see new patterns created in her room. All the books and toys would be arranged across the floor in rows and squares and lined up.

Now, we're not saying this is a huge deal. Many kids out there like to stack and line up toys, but it is just something a little almost obsessive about the way an Asperger child will arrange things. They don't just play with the toys, they seem to pose them all and they have to be a certain way or else the child will get really upset. I remember my oldest freaking out because he needed all his action figures posed in an exact way or else he would become so upset. He was only 18 months old but was so upset because I couldn't figure out the exact millimeter of degree that a startrek figure's arm was supposed to be pointing.

Everywhere we go little Rose will line things up. In nursery classes the teachers are astonished and take pictures with their cell phone how bizarre it is. They showed me one day a picture of how she had taken every doll out of the toy sections and lined them up across the entire play area from one wall to another.

I wish I had a picture to show of that, but here are just little instances of her patterns that I have caught:

Above, lining up the snappy dolls....and below what she does with magnets on the fridge:

It is funny because whatever she is doing she has all mapped out in her head and if you were to move one of those magnetic letters she will freak out screaming and crying until it is exactly back to the way it was.

In many ways we have seen the signs similar of her brother. She doesn't respond to others very often. She has always been so solemn around others; hardly smiling, not talking so much, we have to instruct her to say hello or goodbye or things like that. There is little emotion.

She plays so much more alone and by herself. She has everything all worked out in a sort of play or storyline when she plays with her toys.

She walks a bit on her toes like her older brother. We hope that will not continue. It has caused a lot of problems with her brother.

She gets easily upset by change of plans and transitioning from one activity to another.

She gets very upset about different textures or when clothes aren't fitting a certain way.

We just kind of sit back and observe and wait to see what comes of her personality. It's not a big deal to us because she seems so much like her siblings, and she is such a cute girl. It is only when we are out around other kids her age that we see such a dramatic difference. The other kids are so bubbly and talkative and then she is just staring blankly into space while their parents look at me and think something is weird with my child or that she must be so much younger than she really is.

Well, at least we know how to work with Aspergers and how to make sense of their world somewhat. It doesn't scare me or make me feel bad that another family member might have Aspergers. We just take things a day at a time and we know maybe this time we'll have more knowledge to help us have a better understanding.