Forgetting to Follow the 504 Plan

The new school had a copy of the 504 Accommodation Plan set up for MJ, and we had met with the school Principal, psychologist, and his teacher, so we figured all would be well. However, we soon began to see holes developing in this plan and things were not working out as hoped.

Not that the teachers were doing anything wrong. They were just often forgetting the things about MJ, and how certain things should be handled. I know it is difficult to be a teacher enough as it is with having close to 30 students in a classroom. It is hard to remember everything with that many students, but I thought that was the point of having a 504 Accommodation Plan so that it was something in hard copy that could be looked at to help remind them.

MJ had a wonderful teacher, and we were lucky to have her. She had previous experience with other students with Asperger's, and so we knew she would work well with him. The problem we were having is that MJ was coming home again without assignments, or he was not even doing some assignments because she was not being literal enough. He was having meltdowns in class because he wasn't being told to go to other classes on time. He wasn't communicating with the teacher and so was missing out on various things. He wasn't finishing tests because he wasn't being given enough time to write.

Now, as a refresher, I'll explain some of MJ's difficulties;

With MJ's Asperger's, it affects the way he is able to process information. While he is super smart, he is unable to process the information quickly enough to put it out in words or on paper. This has caused him to fall behind in timed tests or not be able to finish things at the same speed as other students. His motor skills are not very smooth and so he appears awkward and clumsy. His handwriting is very forced, slow and sloppy. He doesn't see spacial relations very well and so any information on paper that he writes appears jumbled and smooshed together. He doesn't understand personal space and so often gets too close to others. He doesn't understand a lot of social cues or rules. He only understands direct, literal communication and instructions. He becomes too focused on most tasks and so cannot remember smaller tasks. He must be constantly cued to remember when or what needs to be done or what to bring home.

So, because of all of these things, his Accommodation Plan was set up to help him to succeed despite these challenges. MJ was super intelligent, but in order for him to live up to his full potential and succeed in school, he needed these few directions:

His Plan listed 6 accommodations:

1-To be allowed extra time to complete written work, or cut written work in half, or perform assignments/tests orally if needed.

2-To be cued when invading others' personal space.

3-With the teacher's help to go through his planner at the end of the day and make sure all needed materials for homework are getting in his backpack to go home.

4-Seating closest to the teacher and importance of teacher in using only direct and literal instructions.

5-Allowing him to use graph paper to help better organize work on the written page, especially in math.

6-Having the teacher cue him when talking inappropriately loud or soft, or too fast.

So, anyway, yes, it was a lot to take in, but not that difficult to accommodate. Well, at least I didn't think it was a big deal. Then again, we've been doing this for years.

MJ was coming home from school and he didn't have homework again. He brought home a midterm with all A's, yet a C in English because he wasn't finishing written essay questions on tests in time. He wasn't completing tests or doing certain assignments in school because he was not being told he "had to do them", but only being asked, "why are you not doing this?"

Nothing huge. I just had to email the teacher several times, and at one parent teacher conference I had to remind her that he can't ask a kid with Asperger's why they haven't done something to mean that they are supposed to do it. They will not understand. I was surprised when meeting MJ's math teacher (They had recently placed him with a higher grade math teacher.) that she had not even been told about his Asperger's or shared his 504 plan.

I guess it was just a little frustrating to have to keep reminding them of what was supposed to be taking place. Yes, they were always very very nice and accommodating, so I guess I should be very grateful, but I just thought the whole purpose of this 504 Plan was so things could go a bit smoother. This was life I guess. Always a challenge. I'm sure it will continue to be a challenge. We just keep taking each day a step at a time.

Biting?!

4th grade seemed to be going well with MJ. I had met with the teacher the first week and shown her his previous 504 accommodation plan from the previous school. She informed me that she had a student with Asperger's before, so she was somewhat familiar with it.

I was a little concerned that the principal didn't seem to think it was necessary to update the 504 plan or have the new school team sign it, but he assured me that they would follow it just the same. So I let it be.

Things seemed pretty good. I didn't hear of any problems. Then it came time for parent teacher conferences.

As I was finishing up with my younger son's 2nd grade teacher, I noticed the principal waiting for me. He seemed to want to go with me to meet with MJ's teacher. Gee, I thought that was pretty nice that he seemed all concerned MJ was fitting in, but yet did I know what was really going on.....

We had met earlier in the week with the principal, teacher, and school psychologist setting up a plan for MJ which I will get into more at a later post, so I did think maybe the principal was just coming with me to PT conferences to show his involvement and support. We also had the school psychologist join us, so I thought we were pretty popular, but really I soon found out that there had been an "incident".

The teacher went over MJ's grades and progress and all that, but then she asked him if he had told me what happened yesterday. I can't explain the expression MJ was making, and he was silent, so I was a little confused as to what happened. I was hoping it was a good thing? Apparently it was not.

Yesterday, as the psychologist explained, things got "escalated". Escalated? What exactly did that mean anyhow? She said MJ was playing with another boy and then she used that word again, and I'm thinking huh? But then she says MJ bit the other boy. Bit him on the upper shoulder?

I'm sitting there in disbelief because MJ has never ever ever bit another kid. Never. Not even his brother at home. How could this be? And, how does a kid bite another kid on the upper arm/shoulder area? What would possess someone to do that?

MJ was very upset. He wasn't saying a word, but tears were streaming down his face. I was super upset---not exactly upset only at MJ's actions, but at the whole embarrassing and horrifying situation in itself. Here I was in front of the teacher, the principal, and the school psychologist, and they are probably waiting for me to do some disciplinary action of some sort, but it is all shoved on me at once.

I am trying to tell them that this has NEVER happened ever and at the same time I am asking MJ why he would do this and telling him that this is totally unacceptable, and I'm thinking biting is a pretty big terrible thing, and wondering what comes next, suspension?

Then I am surprised at what happens next. The teacher and school psychologist begin showing me MJ's marks in citizenship and behavior. On his report MJ has all H's meaning honors, but then he has one S (for satisfactory) but with a circle around it and a star they have drawn next to it. They tell me he has done well, but as far as behavior is concerned he only has an S, but it is because they understand he has Asperger's and that it is OK. In a sense they were telling me that it was OK for MJ to misbehave and that it was OK because Asperger's was his excuse.

OK, now, I agree there are some issues sometimes with MJ and his Asperger's, but I do not accept it an excuse to bad behavior. I have taught and raised this kid to behave well and to make good decisions, and I do not allow him to get away with misbehaving, excusing it to Asperger's. I mean, yes, a lot of the time there have been incidents where he has gotten in trouble at home or at school because of things related to him having Asperger's like a misunderstanding, or not getting the social rules or the problems with change or transitions, or whatever, but it has never been outright fighting, hitting, or biting. I did not accept this excuse, while the school seemed to excuse it off.

I asked them what should I do, if I should contact the other child's mom to apologize, or what proper procedures did we need to take care of, and they told me it was all fine. I could sense that possibly they were telling the other kid's mom "sorry, but the child which bit your son has autism, and it's being handled."

OK, so I don't really know all that was said and what they told the other parent, but I just had so many emotions going on right then that it was overwhelming. No, I don't approve in MJ's behavior at all, and I sure lectured him for a very long time as well as his dad that we are to NEVER EVER EVER EVER bite anyone EVER (unless it is strictly absolutely necessary in self defense or something), and then I made him write an apology letter to the other boy.

I guess I'm somewhat surprised mostly that this would happen, but as I started to notice later, MJ did seem to bottle up his emotions a little too much, and then he would get upset and just act without thinking. I saw this with his brother sometimes. Or, I guess I've seen it more as emotional meltdowns where he is crying about change or something that didn't go as planned, but I had just never seen the anger part.

Still, I don't want Asperger's to become this sort of excuse for him. I don't want the school to be excusing any bad behaviors or actions because of it. It is not an excuse. It may be difficult at times, but there is no reason why MJ can't choose to act more appropriately and follow the rules just like any other kid. I hope that there are not exceptions being made to things at school for MJ. Yes, I am all for accommodations, but not exceptions to the rules---if this all makes sense?

I guess I am glad that MJ did not get into more serious trouble at school, because he really is a good kid, but at the same time, I am troubled by the lack of discipline. I mean, really, if some kid bit my kid, I would be pretty upset and hope that the other kid was getting in some kind of trouble be it missed recess or whatever.

Of course, there goes the other fear that I gained this day---now, who was going to be MJ's friend? Or rather, who's mom is going to let their child be friends with the kid who bites? Yikes. How would things become now?

Finally Friends?

MJ might seem content always reading his thousand page books or whatnot, but I know he needed some friends. School had been hard the last many years with him coming home looking so sad and defeated, telling me that he just wandered around on the playground all recess but no one would play with him.

Now, I know part of this problem stems right from his Asperger's in that he doesn't want to do what the other kids are doing. He's always telling me that they were playing kickball or this or that, and he doesn't want to do those things. I've tried to explain to him that you can't always do what you want to do, and sometimes you have to join in the other kids with their games, but it does no use. He is pretty set in his decisions of what he likes and dislikes, and he does not want to change.

Anyway, as we switched to the new school we had high hopes that this change might do MJ good. It would give him a fresh new start with now 100's of kids to find friends from. So, did it work?

The first day of school the kids came home. "So, did you make any new friends?" I asked.

"Yeah, I have 2 friends and we play at recess together." MJ tells me. "They like Pokemon and we talked about Pokemon cards and battles."

Oh, the joy that brought to my ears. Yes, I know it sounds sad, but it's taken 4 years to hear that my son has friends. I was surprised though, and a little hesitant to accept it as reality just yet, so I waited and asked him every day that first week of school. Still by the end of the week he was listing the same 2-3 boys names and it seemed like a real deal!

How could it be so easy now? It astonished me that it seemed so natural and easy. What had been the problem before? Or were these really friends or just a new group of kids that he had nominated to follow around? I worried a little being that he used to list all these "friends" at the previous school, but yet I knew they were just humoring him for several years not really including him in their true friends circle. Hopefully this time was different and this would be a new start for MJ. He was a good kid and although he might be a little eccentric, I think he could still be a good friend.

Changing Schools for the Better?

The beginning of MJ's 4th grade year and his brother's 2nd grade year, we made a drastic decision to switch schools. We had struggled for the past 3 years at another school trying to figure out things with MJ, and finally we had gotten them to set up a 504 Accommodation Plan for Asperger's. This was the last month before school ended for summer break and so we were looking ahead feeling pretty confident things were finally going to be OK.
But then we made a last minute decision and things all changed.

MJ and Thomas were both in a full time gifted program located at another school within the city but further away than their home school. While it had been great for Thomas so far, MJ had struggled for the last 3 years trying to find his place as a gifted student with Asperger's. It had not gone easy. It took us a year to find the diagnosis, but then another 2 years to get the school to accept it and willing to make any accommodations.

MJ was so smart, yet he had certain setbacks such as processing delay, sensory issues, problems with speech and stuttering, misunderstanding of nonliteral communication, bad organization, forgetfulness, and invasion of others personal space. Not to mention his awkwardness, strange gait, and the need to be constantly cued. But yet, because he was so incredibly smart, these things often could be hidden, until 3rd grade where problems were arising.

Long ago I had gone to the school and asked them how they could accommodate MJ. According to the doctors and testing, they told us MJ was in the genius range as far as knowledge, IQ, and academics, yet because of his Asperger's his processing was way below average and so it was as if MJ was this super smart kid who couldn't get his ideas out or communicate them fast enough to show others. That didn't seem fair to me, so I asked the school district what could be done to balance this out so he could show his full potential. They told me, "it doesn't matter what diagnosis he has, as long as he is not failing academically, then we will not make any kind of accommodations." I remember being very very frustrated. What an injustice to a gifted child.

Anyway, we fought long and hard trying to figure out how a child with Asperger's fits into a gifted program. Finally at the end of 3rd grade we were getting some results and a 504 Plan was set up. It may have made 4th grade to be a great year for him academically, but another problem was on our mind---his need for socialization.

MJ had struggled with this for years. Although he did have some friends, most of them were in the grade level above his, and many of them were not close friends. He would go tag along with some of the other kids at recess or try to involve himself with the other kids, but none of them were really close friends, and I think they just humored him or let him play along to be nice at times. The problem with the gifted program is that he was stuck with the same 12 kids for all 6 years of Elementary School. This is great if you've got good friends, but if you can't find your place, then it leaves you stuck and alone. MJ often came home very sad and depressed being that he had no friends to play with at school.

Maybe it was part of having Asperger's that he had trouble making friends or knowing how to act socially, but maybe he could do better if there were more possibilities of friends in greater numbers. So although we knew MJ needed the challenge of a gifted program, we made our decision to change him back to our home school hoping for a new chance to make friends. We had our fingers crossed and hoped for the best. The home school had the largest 4th grade class of 4 classrooms with over 100 4th graders. Going from 12 4th graders to 100 is a big difference. Could he find friends here?

We met with the Principal the Friday before school started and introduced our boys. I alerted him of MJ's Asperger's and his established 504 Accommodation Plan. We discussed what accommodations needed to be met, yet also his giftedness and my concerns for how he needed to be challenged. The Principal seemed great and addressed my concerns. He said he would take all things into consideration to find the best match for a teacher for MJ.

And so we sent our boys off on the 1st day of school and hoped for the best. Would he make a friend? Would the teacher be OK? Would this school make a difference?

Friendless with Asperger's?

It's been a rough road, and although MJ is a pretty good kid, he hardly has any friends. Sure, he's got so called "friends" who he follows around or tries to include himself in their already established activities. When he goes to school the kids say hi and some may even talk to him. Some of these "friends" are pretty nice and let him tag along after them, but really, he doesn't have any close relationships with anyone. The kids that let him tag along or talk to him are more just humoring him until someone they would rather play with comes along.
Yeah, this sounds harsh. It may sound like I don't have much confidence in my son to have friends, but it is a reality. He just doesn't.

And why is that? What is wrong with him? I mean, really, he's a decent kid. He's pretty nice. He's smart, imaginative, and funny. He's interested in those Pokemon cards and Star Wars and such like the other kids. Yeah, maybe he hates all sports and would rather dance, but not all kids have to be into sports anyway. So what is it? Why don't the other kids want to play with my kid?

Often as I have picked him up from school he comes out with his head down and looking like school just sucked the life out of him. He says he is lonely and bored and he has no one to play with at recess. I ask him why and what are the other kids doing, and he tell me the same response, "I don't want to do what they're doing."

That's it, isn't it? With his Asperger's he is usually only interested in what he wants to be interested in and could care less about other things. If the kids don't want to do what he wants then he doesn't want to play with them. On occasion he actually can find kids that are interested in the same things, but then they don't want to play the exact way he wants and it is over.

I've observed this early on in his life. When he was 2 years old to 3 I tried to play action figures with him. I thought I was a good mom sitting down playing star trek guys or Buzz Lightyear, or whatever the action figure was at the time. The problem arose that he didn't want to play with me. It's not exactly that he didn't want to play with me, but he didn't want me to have any input in the playing. For example, he wanted his action figure to go on some trip and fight the other action figure, then fly through space and land on the moon (and that was fine), but when I thought my action figure could talk or act in response to his guy it wasn't good enough. He would become angry that I wasn't doing exactly what he wanted my guy to be doing. And how did I know what I was supposed to be doing? It was as if there was some script he was following and I was missing my cues and lines. I remember I pretty much gave up playing like that with him long ago. Everything he plays is very imaginative, but it's all scripted and planned out to how exactly he wants it or sees it in his mind unfolding.

So, sure, other kids might want to play with him for a time, but when they can't have much input on anything, they get pretty annoyed, or maybe bored. At home MJ has had it easy with younger siblings to order around telling them exactly what they will do next, but at school kids don't want to be directed as much.

Yeah, maybe he can just play games or that Pokemon card thing he does. This has worked at times. I've organized play dates with other kids to come to our house and for a while they play happily battleship or air hockey, but then he brings out his Pokemon cards. Sure, they may be interested in them, but the way he begins obsessing on every single rule, category and whatever about them, the other child gets really bored and doesn't want to play anymore. If it's not Pokemon cards, then he'll want to start talking about rocks, minerals, bugs, chemicals, etc. and the poor kid who just wants to blow up action figures begins thinking what is wrong with this kid? I've had many a playdate where I am instigating all of the activities following them around just to keep the other kid entertained because they usually end up sitting alone apart from one another playing totally separate things.

So what to do? I want MJ to have friends. I don't want him to be alone. I've talked to my husband about this and he's pretty negative. He says this is just the way it is with Asperger's. It's not that you don't want to have friends, you just don't know how to make friends, what to say, or how to act around them. It's like you are outside this happy bubble of laughing playing kids and you just can't find a way inside no matter what you do it's always wrong.

Well, one thing I could do is enroll MJ in various groups and after school activities that involved other kids. He's in 2 dance classes, cub scouts, and I put him in a summer camp this year. Maybe he wasn't going to have friends exactly, but at least he would be involved with other kids to feel as if he belonged to something.

In the end, we actually took this problem with socialization to a whole new change. After all the work we've done with his school and even finally establishing a 504 Plan, we gave it all up and decided to transfer him out. We made a last minute decision to pull him out of the school he'd been at for the last 3 years and take him back to our neighborhood school. Yes, we had had our problems there, but we had also finally established accommodations for him there. He just had no friends and we needed a change. We hoped for the best and met with the principal to register the day before school started.

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His Obsession? Knowledge!

From all the things I've read and heard, Aspie's are supposed to have some sort of obsession with something. There is usually some subject, toy, game, or sport that people with Asperger's are obsessed with. This is the thing that they will talk endlessly about not seeming to notice when the other person is bored or has lost interest.

With my boys it is interesting. While Thomas seems to have had an obsession with piano, maps and atlases, my husband--computers, but I never really figured out what obsession MJ had. It seemed like his obsessions would change week to week.

Like one week all he wants to talk endlessly about is science experiments, but then the next couple of weeks it's medieval times, weapons, castles, knights, and more. Then another week it is rocks and minerals. Later on it is storms and weather. Or this last week it has been every single detail about fencing. Seriously, he will spend a week telling me every single detail about the "topic of the week" as I call it, and he will follow me around going on and on and on. What are the rules? What are the positions? What are the points? What do they wear? He will let me know everything and by the time he is done I feel like some sort of expert in the subject matter that week.

I've found it very interesting that he has never really had one great obsession like all these books or doctors describe. Why is that?

Well, the answer finally came this past week. We were in a meeting with the school principal and the school's psychologist, and I was mentioning this to her. It seems as MJ has been very bored all this year and keeps asking me when he is going to learn anything new. I've been concerned because he has been coming to me telling me he didn't understand why everything was so simple. He felt like he should be learning harder things. I was describing how MJ is constantly seeking out more information and trying to get his hands on every ounce of new material he can. He's focused on the history channel, the discovery channel, or he's reading everything he can about his "subject of the week". She turned and looked at us and said, "No, I think his obsession is knowledge. It seems like he obsessed with learning as much as he can as fast as he can."

How interesting is that? Seriously, I was shocked that I didn't realize this before because it was so obvious. Obvious, but strange to me that someone could have such a broad obsession. Where that leads us, I don't know quite yet, but MJ is destined for something truly great.

Spazzing Out in Public, The Need to Teach What is Socially Acceptable

Most of the time you would think there is nothing different about MJ and that he is just a typical 9 year old boy. But then other times, it becomes terribly obvious that something is, how should I say, a little off.

I don't know what it is, but it seems like being out in public places or at social gatherings just sets him off. It's like he's a wind up toy and someone just let him go wild. He starts spinning and dancing and waving and running in circles. We'll be talking to others as he paces around in circles around us. He'll start talking really fast or popping up in the middle of your conversation with spurts of "that's weird!" or "that's crazy!" and it starts to get a little on everyone's nerves.

Now, I love MJ and he is a great kid, Asperger's and all, but why is it that when he gets around others he goes so wild? Maybe we have just gotten used to his fast pacing and figiting and loud comments at home and haven't cared to stop him. It's not as if he is being bad or anything. We call it being a "spazz".

So, do we try to correct his over loudness, his spinning and pacing around you in circles as you or he talks? Should we tell him he needs to settle down when talking to other people and not talk so fast and long about one particular subject matter following them around until they are ready to go insane?

OK, so I'm exaggerating a bit, but we really want the best for him and so feel it is in our duty to try to teach him what is socially acceptable in the world.

I've sat him down numerous times as well as made comments to my husband about how you need to give and take in a conversation. I try to tell them you can't pace around everywhere when someone is talking to you. First off it is rude, and secondly it will drive them crazy or make them dizzy! I try to tell them that they need to get a feel for the conversation and give the other person a chance to talk or even change the subject after a while. Talk about different things. Don't follow a person around talking endlessly when they are working. It is hard though. MJ doesn't understand why all of this matters. My husband, the older, more experienced Aspie, tends to accept these social rules (outside of our house) and mellow out a bit more in social settings although he still doesn't understand why it makes any difference.

That is the funny thing with Asperger's. There are so many social rules and norms that have to be taught when they may never be understood. You just need to do this, I tell them. And they always question me why. Just because. I guess there really isn't a good reason. Really, why can't people just be themselves in the world today? Someday maybe they can, but for now to succeed in the world and be accepted by peers, they need to fake it.

Movie Review---the new "Asperger movie" Adam

Have any of you heard of this movie? It was released around August, but it is more one of those "film society" movies, so it isn't in all the theaters. It is about a guy who has Asperger's whose father dies and leaves him to live alone in an apartment. A girl moves in next door and they develop a relationship with all sorts of ups and downs while she is trying to figure him out.

Well, I had looked forward to seeing this movie and taking my cute Aspie husband to see it as well. I had seen several previews and I thought it might be an interesting and funny movie for us both.

First off when getting into the movie I felt kind of bad or even guilty for taking my husband to such a movie because the actor portraying the man with Asperger's was a little bit too "childish" or something. Not exactly, but it's like he talked almost babyish or like someone who you would look at and obviously think had some kind of mental issues. I didn't want my husband to think I thought he was like this guy. Not that there was anything wrong with him, but it just seemed a little too much. It seemed to get better as the movie went on, but it almost upset me to think people might go into this movie and come out thinking Aspies are totally unable to be independent and take care of themselves or fit in.

There were many parts of the movie that hit Asperger's dead on. Things about how an Aspie may not see the need to do something unless specifically asked, or things about how they can talk a little too much without realizing they need to change the subject. My husband and I laughed at these parts and recognized them for what they were.

In all actual, the character reminded me more of my 9 year old Aspie son. I could see him in the character, more unable to know how to do things or adapt to social situations. But as the movie went on I began to understand where they were coming from.

This character seemed to have a very sheltered life until his dad died. He was a kid with Asperger's grown to an adult who probably had his dad handle everything. He had never been out of the city by himself or really done anything by himself. This is where I began to understand the character as a "sheltered" Aspie. Toward the end of the movie it showed more realistically that of my husband who had learned to adapt to the "ways of the world" or had figured out how to "fake" things in a sense to fit in. You could still tell it wasn't easy, but it showed that an Aspie can get a long just fine in life and it doesn't have to be made into such a big deal.

I guess I have mixed feelings on this movie. It kind of made me worry that other people are going to think Asperger's is a major disability, when I don't believe it is. Maybe I'm wrong, but I think of it more as a way of thinking difference almost as if it were a different culture and not so much a disability. In college I got my degree in Interpreting for the Deaf and we never looked at Deaf people as having a disability, but instead having a culture all their own. It's just a different way of life.

My husband liked the movie, however hated the ending. It wasn't exactly a happy ending, and the girl in it didn't understand what the guy meant in the end. And it bugs me that I understood what the guy meant although he couldn't put the right words out, but I know that most audiences are going to take what he said literally and not understand along with the girl and so think that the guy was dumb and could never do right in the world.

OK, so I don't want to spoil this movie for anyone as to why I'm not giving big details, and I suppose you won't know what I'm talking about unless you see it. I'd say see it, and see what you think. There is good and bad. Being surrounded by Asperger's everyday, the movie made sense to me and I read more into it that probably most people will. I just wish the regular movie goer could too or I really feel people will come out of this movie thinking that Aspie's can't have a normal relationship ever and that you shouldn't marry and Aspie.

One part in the move upset me a lot. It was when the dad of the girlfriend was telling her why she shouldn't be with this Aspie guy. He was telling her the guy could never be anything more than that of a child and he could never give her what she needed or be equal, etc. This made me angry in 2 ways. It made me upset to think how other parents might direct their daughters not to date my son later in life, and it made me upset to think my husband might think he's not good enough. I love my husband and never once thought I was married to him to "take care of him" or that he is a child.

I guess one good thing I get from the movie is to know we are doing the right thing to not let our Aspie son lead a sheltered life. We push him out there and get him experiencing all parts of life regardless of his Asperger's. I think I would like to see a movie more about someone with Asperger's who had a little more experience in life, or rather the "continuation" of this movie to see really what this character could do now that he had learned a bit more.

Anyone that's seen this movie, please let me know what you think!